Wow, it has been a really long time since I've written in here!
Well, the MTV show was an amzing experience! Thanks to my
Mom and
Bonnie for plugging me on their blogs as well!
You can catch "The 70's House" tuesday nights on MTV @ 10:30/9:30c! (Plus the plethora of reruns that they have on that station)
Click here to see the official page on MTV.com
Andrew and
Sarah also have their own sites with their own pictures from the show! You should check those out as well!
Ashley scribbled at
12:26 PM
Friday, October 29, 2004
Constants change. So do my consonants when alliterations slip in the Freudian fashion.
I look out from the deck over this dim city. Gazing out at the twinkling lights peeking through the transplanted foliage. Lights shining like pennies and dimes spilled and scattered on a velvet duvet in the foreground of a deep navy backdrop. The contrast of the rolling shadows are illuminated by a full moon, seen clearly as it hangs delicately, balancing the tiny diamonds in the abyss of a flawless sky. The tripled white gleaming puffs on the horizon, storm warnings, catch my attention as I ask myself, "Am I going to miss this?" I wonder...
God, everything is so crisp just after a good rain... I love that.
Will I miss this?
Will I miss the silhouette of Saddleback trimming the horizon? I saw it every day on the way to school in high school... *shudder* Maybe not...
Will I miss the rhythmic sequencing of that one street light you can see from the bedroom window that I used to gaze out at as I went to sleep as a child? Every night when I would lie in bed and thought about my life and the day's occurrences, I would see that one street light beyond the two streets of houses below us.
What about my neighbor playing his banjo alone in his hammock outside in the adjacent backyard? Just one of those little dependable constants, one of those things that will always be there.
Little things...
How about being able to take my sister to play at the park which I played at when I was her age?
Perhaps.
-God it's freezing out here-
But those constants have been apparent in my life thus far. It's time for change. My entire childhood was spent with them, and now I'm 18. [Not that I didn't feel it for such a long time before it became biological.] My life is changing so rapidly right now, that it just came in such a timely manner. This was meant to be. This is my time to let go. This is my closure.
Time to grow up, Ash.
Ashley scribbled at
11:41 PM
Friday, October 22, 2004
I just watched the opening of "Complete Savages" [tonight's episode], and it just so happened that it was the part I went to callbacks for last month...
and, well, she sucked!
Ugh. I need an audition. What's going on?
Ashley scribbled at
8:32 PM
an oldie but goodie...
Petals Scattered Upon the Ocean Floor
Sweet syrup cascades upon satin floorsteps
coated in a glassy cold moonlight
frosts budding roses just before they bloom
melts down the frequency of gulps
warms the serene scene in time for the petals to break
nothing can be ill
the fire gives way to day
as the dawn replays
everything breaks up
and dances
breathing rays submerge the petals under a cool breeze
the star-crossed ones warm upon the sand
look upon the horizon
anticipation
the honey crashes
perfect surf
another beautiful replay of the blooming rose
all is well.
I just felt like posting some old poetry on here. :)
Ashley scribbled at
12:23 AM
Thursday, October 21, 2004
A friend of mine, Ken, said this in the 8th inning last night, and I just had to share.
"Hey, the Yankees can still go to the World Series. And if they buy seats soon, they can even sit together!"
Sorry, I'm just still feeling a little celebratory.
:)
Ashley scribbled at
6:46 PM
Paul Hamm grows cuter and cuter to me everytime I see clips of him on the news. Then the Anchor's voice-over stops, and this is where I always let out a quick spurt of laughter. However, this is not always the case. Sometimes they leave him on the screen longer, so these times are when I find myself laughing just a little bit harder.
Yes, I feel badly afterward, but then they show a clip of him on the parallel bars, with his massively masculine build, preceeding yet another clip of him commenting on the South Koreans, and I find myself sneaking in just one more chuckle before my conscience catches up and smacks me upside the head.
I wonder where all of the staunch democratic PETA members are when the news shows Kerry in full fatigues, hunting with his buddies. If that was Dubya, they'd be all over him like Hick on Britney.
Flip-flops go on my feet, not in the white house. I came up with that a few weeks ago and keep meaning to put it on a shirt.
Today is one of those days where everything is just completely not understandable. Is that considered a double negative? It doesn't sound right, but "un" isn't a prefix in this case... See what I mean? Everything seems slightly off today. All the Chinese decided to take a vacation, so the world tilted.
It's one of those days where I ask myself, "Who has the more annoying voice; Dori or the Munchkins?"
That's my random light-hearted cynicism for the day.
Ashley scribbled at
4:18 PM
Monday, October 18, 2004
So I got an e-mail from a friend of mine telling me that there is a new agent at my agency?
Apperently my commercial agent left Conan Carroll & Assoc.! That would be bad news, seeing as I absolutely adored Stella. However, the replacement has started already, she is a former CD that I used to go in to see ALL of the time when I was younger. Even better yet, she just recently left Bobby Ball, a top ten [maybe even 5] agency that I recently recieved an offer from for representation. I declined since I had experienced top ten agencies before [like CED and LA Talent/Models] with high turnovers, and also since I had just signed contracts with Conan Carroll a few months ago. I
could leave if I wanted to, and it wouldn't be breeching contract [since I haven't gone out much through their submissions], but maybe this change will get some things going!
Guess we'll see!
Ashley scribbled at
2:33 PM
I should probably get used to people obsessing about my life, even if it is semi-"private". My mom has already brought it to my attention that people watch me while I am in Tana's. They pay attention to what I say, what I do, what I drink, what I eat, etc... It's flattering, yet unnerving at the same time.
It's part of the cons of being an actor [as your career develops], I know. I'm prepared for anything. I don't want to sound conceited, but if I land something [which I've been told is going to happen soon... *rolls eyes*], then it'll start being like that.
I just want to work on a show, make friends with others who love the same thing that I do... I just want to act, and I don't want to have to be a waitress for the rest of my life. Yes, I've made mistakes, I'm human after all, but I own up to to them. I no longer do some of the things I used to, I've grown up, and grown out of those immature phases in my life. I just wish that I could make people see truth about things that they know nothing about. You don't have to believe me, people can believe all the lies that they want. I know what is true, and if people with lower self-esteem than me, want to try and bring me down in order to feel better about themselves, as some twisted form of therapy, fine. So be it.
It doesn't change what
is true. It doesn't change what I will become, or what I do with my life. Most importantly, it doesn't change who I am. I will always be me, I will always stay Ashley. No one can take away my integrity, pride, love, dreams, etc... All of the things I hold inside will always be a part of me, and those around me can take it or leave it. Those who believe all that they hear, and make it a part of their life are those that I don't want to be around anyway. So it's absolutely no sweat off of my back.
If someone wants to be a coward and continue to say things about me when they are supposedly "done with" the situation, fine. It's their conscience that they have to live with for the rest of their life.
I'm going to make it. I'm not going to let anyone bring me down.
So ask yourself, what have you done today to acheieve your goals, reach your dreams? What have you done today to get one step closer? I do something every day, do you?
Ashley scribbled at
2:23 PM
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Well, I finally got around to setting this thing up! Well, to start off, I suppose I should tell a bit about myself and my new blog. [I wrote a small bio in the right column [in the top box], so take a look if you want to know more.] :)
My screenname is ethereal beaches, ethereal meaning heavenly, and beaches... Well, I suppose you get the point. The photograph above is one of my own, and I felt it especially appropriate as well as peaceful, and pleasing to the eye. I wanted to create a calm, serene aura on this page, seeing as I try to mold my life like that also [note the "try"]. Some days you must try harder than others but, so it goes.
I live at home still [since I'm super-cool] and my family and I are in the middle of moving up to the L.A. area. So it's hectic and crazy around here more-so than usual. I have a 3 year old sister, a 13 year old brother [who has about 2436234640934734 girlfriends], a dog, and five cats [one mama, one kitten from her first litter, and three new kittens]...
It's never quiet.
I've been unrestrainably excited, slightly nervous, and just a bit nostalgic for the past few weeks. I grew up in this area. I went to elementary school down the hill from my current house. First pet, first kiss, first love, first time, first best friend, first heartbreak... They all happened here.
I just keep telling myself that there can be no progress without change. I will never be able to achieve my dreams if I don't let go of the past and grow. Bluntly, it's also just plain old, flat out, bad karma. Emotional abuse one year, tortorous rumors, verbal attacks and threats the next, then even further, one event that was painful enough as it was turned all of my life-time friends against me, because one person had the gall to blatantly lie in order to save his own reputation, at the cost of mine. Not only my reputation, but it also shattered my trust, and made me grow even more wary... I don't want to live like that.
Jealously is a hideous monster, and high school is where it thrives. This whole area is drenched in it, even after the fact. I need so badly to get away from it, so that it will not drip reminders into my life of how hurtful naive people can be. The masses attempt to destroy what they do not understand, and I refuse to be a part of that.
Too much has happened here, and I drive by these notorious landmarks that burn deeper into these recklessly etched memories in my mind. I cringe when I see some, and ache after others. Anamnesis distracts my already cluttered mind. I am in need of it no longer.
It is time for a new beginning, a fresh start, and a better life. Wish me luck?
Ashley scribbled at
5:30 PM
